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Learning How to be a Better Dad

Every year I pay a chunk of money to go to the new forest with my kids and a group of other dads and their kids. It’s either dads and sons or dads and daughters. I could do this on my own. Without paying the money to a lovely guy called Ben.

But that’s not the point?

We light campfires and toast marshmallows. I have a fire pit at home. I could do this there.

But that’s not the point.

My kids play with other kids and generally go feral for the weekend. I live in the countryside. My kids have friends. We could do this at home.

But that’s not the point.

We go canoeing, or climbing, or do cheap viagra online archery. I have all these things at home. We could do it there.

But that’s not the point.

We walk for 3 miles, eat cream scones, drink tea, walk back. I could do this at home.

But that’s not the point.

We BBQ, whittle keepsakes for our kids, drink whiskey (moderately) round the campfire late into the night. I could do this at home.

But that’s not the point.

We play football, swim, do high ropes. I can do all of these with my kids close to home.

But that’s not the point.

I talk to my kids about their hopes and dreams, what they want from life, how I can help them. I could have these conversations at
home.

But that’s not the point.

So what is the point? I love these weekends for lots of reasons. I love spending time with the kids away from home. I love meeting new people (you generally don’t know anyone else there when you arrive but have great friends when you leave). I enjoy thinking about what kind of parent I am. Could I be better? I love talking to other dads about this too. What can we learn what can we share. I love hearing what other people see in my kids. I love the smell of bonfires, the taste of whiskey, sharpening my knife practically and metaphorically. Most of all I love the fact that nothing gets in the way of my time there. I

could all these things at home. I do some of them every weekend. But I don’t do all of them. Something gets in the way. Being gently guided through these things means they happen. And that means a lot. I’ve taken all my kids over the last 8 years and we’ve booked in for next year.

The weekends are run by Ben Gold and you can find out more here http://www.just4parents.co.uk/Just4Parents/Activity%20Weekends.html

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Tuesday, 30th October, 2012

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It’s not about the length

Or so my wife tells me. Boom Boom!

Of course I’m not talking about my manhood here. I’m talking about length of life versus impact. And it may not be life. It might be length of a relationship, time in a job, length of a performance (back to sex again eh? Mind like a sewer).

I started thinking about this after my daughter’s hamster died. I know that many people don’t like giving kids pets as the inevitable heartache that follows their death (the pet’s not the kid’s) is a tough thing to deal with. But I think that kids need exposing to, rather than shielding from, this kind of event. We bought our kids hamsters almost two years ago. My daughter, Tilly, had Charlie – a rather large and loaf-like hamster. Within five minutes of putting him in his cage he was monkey-barring his way across the roof. Stopping and holding on with the one front arm to look you in the eye. The other kids were jealous, their hamsters were a bit rubbish in comparison. They did hamstery stuff but they didn’t shine. They didn’t effervesce. My son was so disgusted with his that he took them back for a refund (imagine that conversation with the pet shop owner).

Over the next two years Charlie became a star, his acrobatics continued. He escaped the cage and our three cats and two dogs at least five times.

And then he died. Yes we had tears. In fact we had trauma. None-of-which outweighed the pleasure he gave my daughter. We spoke about stuff and how being a bright star for a short time is OK. Indeed how it is better than being (in this case) a boring old hamster that didn’t really do much but hung around.

So before we climb back into our hamster wheels its time to think. How much do you shine? What are you changing? Who are you making happy.  Are you looking to do a lot or to do a little? Hopefully its possible to have longevity and impact. But if it’s one or the other I’ll take impact.

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Posted in Inspiration, Wellbeing by

Friday, 9th December, 2011

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